Torte Reform

Issue #44

Last Update March 2, 2006

National Torte Reform by Gert Innsry President Bush is pressing hard for Congress to enact a Torte Reform bill. Although I have criticized the President on many issues during his first term in office, I am with him all the way on this one. He links Torte Reform to health care issues, as do I. He would like a reform bill to be enacted quickly, as would I. This is an area where we suffer by comparison to our European trading partners, especially France, Switzerland, Austria, The Czech Republic and Italy, and which effects our balance of payments numbers, especially when it comes to tourism. Early action is required for the sake of our health, our morale and our economy.

While the torte situation has long been grave in middle America and the South (excluding New Orleans), it is the major cultural centers, especially New York, San Francisco and Chicago, that have been hardest hit by the problem. In New York, for example, there has been a steady decline in the quality of tortes since the closing of Eclair Bakery on the Upper West Side. Dunkin' Donuts crullers are no substitute for the Linzer Tortes and Dobos Tortes Eclair was famous for. There are fewer and fewer bakeries with a real European tradition, a decline that began when post-war emigration from the major torte-producing countries ebbed. Even the gourmet bread and pastry shops that sprang up to dot Manhattan following the nadir of good bread production in the late '70s have not been able to reproduce the exquisite taste and texture (I loathe the term “mouth feel”, an expression suited only to marketeers and food engineers who haven't a clue about quality) of the Viennese or French pastries.

A law mandating standards in torte production would serve us well. It would be like the German “Reinheitsgebot”, which mandates purity in beer production and has preserved the excellent quality of German beers in an age of shoddy, cost cutting, shelf-life-is-more-important-than -flavor products. Licensing of torte makers, after thorough training by expert European bakers, is a must. Importing Swiss pastry chefs to stem our culinary brain-drain should take precedence over importing Swiss engineers. After all, which would you rather have: a domestic cuckoo clock industry or a dessert that glorifies the meal it finishes?

On at least one issue relating to torte reform, however, I part company with the President. He would like to decrease the power of personal injury lawyers with respect to tortes, and put a cap on pain and suffering. While I believe that much pain and suffering can be avoided, indeed alleviated, by properly prepared tortes, I personally don't know that many attorneys who are into baking. In a free country even lawyers should be allowed to express their taste and creativity. So, Yes to torte reform that establishes standards for torte bakeries, No to preventing lawyers from enjoying themselves in the kitchen.

Next month I will discuss the President's proposal to make tack's cuts permanent, a proposal with grave consequences for the Band-Aid industry and public health.